10 Things You Need to Know Before Dating an Introvert


Dating an introvert can be challenging. Especially if you are a very talkative, outgoing, extrovert. They do say that opposites attract however so maybe an introvert is just what you need in your life. Before you dive in though, there are some things you should consider. Here are just some things you need to know before dating an introvert.

We will never (or rarely) make the first move

We’ll meet you or rather, spot you from across the room and look at you (but only for a brief second) because we’ll look away before you catch us. We’ll do this a few times if we find you intriguing but that’s all we’ll ever do. We won’t approach you, we won’t try to get you to approach us. We’ll stand (or sit) quietly observing you from a safe distance.

We give mixed signals but we don’t mean to

If you approach us because you caught us looking, we’ll be a bit standoffish. You might be confused because you saw us sneaking peeks at you but are suddenly given the cold shoulder. We’ll respond but they’ll usually be one worded responses or just polite smiles here and there. If you manage to get a number out of us, or even still want one after this awkward encounter, congrats! You are one step closer to potentially having a real conversation with us.

We’re quiet but our minds are loud

We may be quiet but that’s because we are thinking of what to say. We are playing scenarios in our heads, we are having inner monologues, we are deciding the best action to take. Usually we do not act on impulse but rather have calculated movements. We are listening, collecting, and synthesizing.

We like to take things slowly

We want to get to know you and want you to get to know us (but not all in one night). We want to open up but we are scared to. This is because of either previous experiences or the fact that we simply don’t feel the need to share certain things with a million other people. We want what we have to be special so we take our time developing foundations for a possible relationship.

We want to meet your friends but not all at once

If we’re serious, which we usually are because otherwise we wouldn’t even be connecting, we will want to meet your friends…eventually. We may not seem to be interested, but we are. We want to know the type of people you hang around with but we don’t want to be introduced to everyone in your life at once. Inviting us to a huge, crowded, loud party is not the ideal scenario for us introverts.

We will always choose quiet nights in versus loud nights out

couple staying in


Most of the time, we will be content just spending the night doing something together without other people. This does not mean we don’t like to have fun though. We can hang out with our groups of friends but just not all the time. We enjoy quiet time with you because that’s the best way for us to connect. One on one.

We need our alone time

There will be times when we just want to be alone. You will think we’re mad or annoyed or sad but really we just need some time to ourselves to recharge. Socializing with people is exhausting for us and so we like to go back into our burrito blankets and just think in solitude. Don’t take it too personally if we don’t want to hang out, we just want to hang out with ourselves for a bit.

You will get frustrated with us when we “fight”

We will get into arguments but they will usually be one sided. You will get frustrated because our responses will be slow and calculated instead of fast and in the moment. We will think about our responses rather than spit out whatever we’re thinking. You will want us to yell but instead we will seethe quietly.

We will open up when we are comfortable

The worst thing you can do is force us to talk about things we do not want to talk about. If we don’t want to talk about something, we might just brush it off or just skim over it. We probably won’t tell you straight up that it’s a topic we’re iffy about because that’s too direct. We will tell you things when we’re good and ready and you should be able to accept that.

We are not all shy and quiet once you’ve been accepted into our circle

You’ll see that after you have endured everything. After you have pushed passed all the awkward one-sided conversations and “fights”, that the introvert you are dating is pretty amazing. You will see that they are not shy or quiet all the time but rather loud and adventurous (to a degree). You will see that we can let go and have fun just like extroverts. It just takes a bit more time and effort to get to know us before we are comfortable enough to be that way around you. Good Luck!

Tell us:

Have you ever dated an introvert or are you an introvert?

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  1. I’m not an introvert I’m actually an extrovert. I dated an introvert for 2 Yeats and a half and the information is highly accurate.especially the “fight” part and the “rather have calculated moves and we are listening,collecting and synthesing”.

    • Hi Sheryl! We’re glad to see that you can relate to these. It’s interesting how people can be so different in interpreting situations!

  2. I’m an introvert and dated with my introvert friend years ago. It was fun because we could share our little world (and block others) but I didn’t like when we fought, it was like a long cold war. This article relates to us! Thanks for sharing 🙂


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