Screw the weight loss tips and the “how to lose 10 pounds in one day”. You don’t want to end up looking like those superskinny-supermodels.
You want to gain 10 pounds. In 10 days. (Maybe even in 1 day). Yes you do.
1. Super-size your meals.
Super size everything — your fries, your drink, and your burger. Add all the condiments you can get, and extra mayo on the side if possible.
2. Vegetables and water are slowing you down.
Why fill yourself up with vegetables and water when you can be indulging on carbs? Those are wasted bits of your appetite that you could be spent munching away on simple carbs like bread, pasta, sugar, and PSLs.
3. Running is a sin.
Those running ideas that we just talked about? No. Zip. Zilch. Get rid of those apps on your phone right now and stop running. Walking is only necessary when you absolutely need to get anywhere. Otherwise, just lie on your bed or on your couch.
4. Be one with the couch.
The couch is your best friend. It’ll be there for you when you cry, and it’ll be there for you when you eat all the fast food you can get your hands on. Take Homer as your role model — that man knows how to rock the couch.
5. Salt if not sugar.
If you find something that does not contain sugar, feel free to add salt to it. The more the better. The more salt you take, the more bloated you’ll become! It may not be real weight but adding water weight will definitely make you look 10lbs more in a day. (Forget about the high blood pressure part — it’s better to get your heart pumping!)
6. Pizza is love, pizza is life.
Pizza is the solution to everything. Apparently you can prevent esophagus cancer if you eat one pizza a week. Why not take the notch up and eat pizza EVERYDAY?! That way you’ll have a 100% of escaping cancer, amiright?
7. So are potato chips, donuts, fries, ice cream, and hot dogs.
If you’ve seen everything on our fattiest foods list, then you should do the contrary and eat it. Eat it all.
8. Drench everything in mayo and gravy.
If you want to add more zing to your meals, then you should drench everything in mayo and gravy. It will taste amazing and those extra 200 calories per bite will be sure to clog up every artery you have. Did we forget about the salt?! No, of course you can add more!
9. Drink only pop and juice.
No water. Water will only go so far. Why would you want to quench your thirsty with anything that DOESN’T have sugar or salt?
10. Get in the mindset.
If you’re in the mindset of getting fat, then you will. It’s all about the MINDSET!
What are your worst food habits?
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