Alright, it’s show time this Friday. It’s every child (and grown ups) favourite holiday. A day where strangers open doors and give out free stuff. Who could ask for a better celebration?
Now we shouldn’t be complaining about free stuff but everyone knows how bomb the good candies are and how badly you want to trade off the yucky and foreign things. Let’s do a list of all the Halloween candies we love and hate.
Tootsie rolls – Mmmmmm, sticky chocolatey toffee that coats the insides of your mouth. This candy is worth every guaranteed cavity.
Rockets – YES, YES, YES! These are the best candies to ever hit the market and they never get old. There’s a reason they’ve ended up in my bucket every Halloween of my middle school/high school trick or treating career. Long live the Rockets.
Any brand name chocolate bar – No, I’m not saying break the bank with Godiva or Lindt, I’m talking about Kit-Kat, Mars Bar, or Twix. They’re bite size and totally safe to consume while trekking from one house to the other.
Bags of chips – The Holy Grail. Our eyes bug out when we see the Doritos, Cheetos and Lays while our greedy little hangs cling to the bags mostly filled with air but still contain the saltiness goodness of crunch. Hand it over please.
Gummies – SOUR PATCH KIDS. Done, our mouths are already slick with saliva. We completely agree with their slogan: sweet, sour gone.
Nerds – The box that keeps on giving. What else could be better?
Apples – Halloween is a day to be unhealthy, it gives us an excuse to gorge on candy and have a terrible but excusable hangover the next day. Keep the vitamin B, fibre filled green stuff away and let die in our sugar rush happily.
Homemade candy – this is like a death wish or terrible diarrhea waiting to happen. Parents will not allow any child to put a hastily wrapped blob of goo into their mouth so why bother handing it out? You might have spent hours over the stove melting your chunks of chocolate but if we can’t identify it, we won’t eat it.
Pennies – We’d rather you donate your change to UNICEF. Chucking pennies into our bags makes us feel cheap. The spirit of Halloween consists of ghouls and sugar, not copper and chump change. We don’t want your money, we want your gummies.
Gum – The gum that gets sold in bulk doesn’t last very long. Double Bubble tastes terrible and disintegrates in your mouth after 10 chews. I’ve also chipped a tooth once upon a time I swear.
No, we’re not ungrateful little trolls, we just like what we like. We’re still thankful that this beautiful day exists even if we’ve got a pillow case filled with pennies. Happy Halloween everyone!
What are your favourite Halloween goodies?
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