Clubs are NOT the place to meet new people, unless you’re looking for an easy come-up. It’s mating-season hell in there, so why do 20-somethings still pay tons of money on ridiculous cover and unnecessary over-priced drinks? Let’s swallow our pride and admit the stone-cold truth that night clubs are an absolute nightmare. So here’s a play-by-play of a typical night out at the club depicting why you can’t meet anyone substantial in there and why people shouldn’t go clubbing:
Tonight’s the night. Girls night at the club. Hope nothing goes wrong, but realistically it’s going to be a shitshow.
The night starts off with you and your friends waiting in a stupidly long line wearing tight, uncomfortable clubbing dresses you probably got today at Forever 21. The line is full of half drunk girls and thirsty boys wearing patterned dress shirts only half-buttoned up. After feeling nostalgic watching a bunch of under aged kids peeing themselves getting ID’d, you pay a ridiculous $10 cover and enter.
You’re in. Now what’re your options:
- Should I push my way to the bar and order a $13 watered down vodka-cran?
- Should I dance with my girls and have a random guy sneak up on me and smash their groins against my butt?
- Should I go to the bathroom? Wait, the girl’s bathroom line is endless. At least the girls in there are nice.
You’ll inevitably lose half of your friends, and constantly question why you didn’t pregame hard enough because this sucks. The only way of communicating over the seizure-inducing shitty remix of Animals is screaming to no avail. Screw it, let’s get hammered.
You’ll find yourself committing a wild cornucopia of drunk shenanigans your friends will remind you did tomorrow morning when you’re downing mugs of green tea and freaking out about all the embarrassing texts and drunk tweets you sent. Your inebriated hooliganism will result in a stern tap on the shoulder from the steroid-pumped security guard: “you have to go”.
Now you’re free to grab some drunk food. Yes. If I don’t remember eating this poutine, I didn’t really eat it, right?
The club is no way to meet anyone, takes a huge toll on your wallet, and will never be a good time. The only reason clubs are popular is because of hook-up culture. If you’re looking for a one-night stand or a hook up, club on. Have fun spilling bright coloured drinks all over yourself and trying to find your jacket you chucked somewhere because who really pays for coat check? But if you’re looking for substance and meeting cool genuine people, the club is absolutely not the place.
Why do people still go clubbing? Hook-up culture? Do you think you can actually meet someone there?
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