Hurrah, you’re in a relationship now. It’s suddenly so scary how much you love that person and how effected you are by their actions. It’s even more scary how hurt you’ll be if they’re no longer around. Once that sinks in, this is the moment we suddenly become the “can’t do this, can’t do that” boyfriend/girlfriend. You believe you’re protecting them but actually you’re thinking of only yourself. How do we shift away from unhealthy controlling relationships? Check out your 101 to the common triggers:
1. Hanging out with the opposite sex
“Hey babe, I’m out with some friends now.” Uh oh, unless he’s told you who exactly these friends are, you’ve probably already imagined him frolicking with a swarm of ladies. It’s perfectly natural to learn about his friends to get a better idea of your partner so don’t be afraid to ask questions. The only time you should be suspicious is when he continuously lies about being with his best gal pal. His excuse might be to avoid your overreactions but something’s going to hit the fan if you find out from someone else no matter how innocent the meeting was. Lies will always be lies my dear.
2. The club
Unless your significant other is a bartender/promoter/bouncer, there is no good reason for him/her to be at a club every week. Club mentality is as follows: get drunk, dance and lose yourself in a sea of bodies rocking to the same hypnotic beat. Once in a while, try not to restrict your partner from going to blow off some steam. Telling them that guys will stare is not a good reason for keeping them at home, guys will always stare regardless where she is. We do no become helpless damsels upon entering the club so we’re perfectly capable of saying no to advances and have at least one sober friend to back us up. Trust us when we say we don’t enjoy smelly guys rubbing up on our party clothes.
3. Going on a trip with friends
Whether they tell you they’ll be gone for six months or a week, you’ll freak out the same. Even though you’re frigidly nervous, try to show more interest in the trip and not what they might or might not do. This is one trigger that will require a lot of self-control. Share your concerns with them and listen to what they have to say. Chances are, they’ll be reassuring and promise to contact you whenever they have the chance. Qualm some anxiety and send them off with a hug and kiss.
4. Nagging over their $$$ habits
I’m personally guilty of this. Thanks to my budget Betty ways, I tried to enforce tips for better saving here, there and everywhere. This resulted in unnecessary friction because unless you’re both planning for an extravagant wedding or a baby carriage, his spending is his responsibility. The only time you should get upset is if he can’t afford to go on that road trip with you anymore because he blew it on a third car detailing. No scrubs please.
5. Keeping tabs on their cellphone
The phone is sacred. Let me reiterate that important sentence. The cellphone is a sacred piece of someone’s life. In today’s world, it connects us to basically everything and everyone. Their selfies are for their eyes only unless you get the green light but remember there are always limits. Don’t snoop in their messages unless you are able to tell them later in the eye that you committed this sinister deed. There are a lot of things you could misinterpret and develop a huge headache you later find out was all for nothing. Having a companionship means sharing experiences, together or apart, it’s not about giving them the ball and chain. The existence of a controlling relationship means there is a huge lack of trust, something that will eventually break even the strongest soul-mates. You give and take because it’s all about compromise. Bottom line: A cheater will always find a way to cheat so set them free.
Have you ever been in a controlling relationship?
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