Divorce is a scary word for marriages. Sadly, the stats keep saying it’s on the rise…
Being married is a commitment- and it takes work. There is no getting around that. You partner is another human being- with their own thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, habits, etc. As much as you may be similar, you may not always agree with each other. Don’t fight that. That being said, why has the divorce rate been climbing? Is it because we don’t understand this? Or possibly because we’re insatiable in our day and age of “I want it right here, right now… and I don’t want to work for it”
Don’t get us wrong, we’re not saying that divorce should never be in the question. People change over time and if those things are dangerous to you or your family, divorce may be necessary. The fact is that the divorce rate in North America shows that couples getting married are more likely to get divorced than stay together. Is it just us, or is this freaking mind blowing?!
Perhaps, with the introduction of apps, easy accessibility to everything, and our age of immediate satisfaction, people have become more prone to wanting out and finding something better instead of dealing with their problems. Do we just have more options than previous generations? Is that even a bad thing?
We’re definitely not one to make the claim of whether divorce is wrong, ethically, or not- it is, however, undoubtable that it’s not fun, nor cheap. So, shouldn’t we want to avoid it?
We’ve rounded up some things that you should consider when the dark and gloomy monster of Divorce comes rolling around:
1) Is your marriage that bad? Or are you just frustrated?
Being together forever means you spend 365 days with that person, every year, year after year. There will be things and durations of time where you’re so frustrated with your partner that makes you want out. Try writing your problems down and looking at them the next day. How bad are they? Why are they so bad to you? Sometimes you need to visually see the problem so you can separate overwhelming emotions from the actual problems at hand (which often aren’t as bad as you think).
2) Do you guys even really talk anymore?
You know, you know, communication is huge in a relationship. In fact, some would argue it is the only thing that really matters in a relationship. A lack of it can mean some serious damage. In the beginning of relationships, there’s tons of talking: who are you? what do you do? what do you like? what do you not like? You really are getting to know the person inside and out. After a while, you start the know the person inside and out. Especially after the honeymoon stage of marriage- you do your thing and he does his. Make an effort to talk more- about anything. This will be a big step towards staying away from divorce.
3) Are you guys having sex?
This is a scary topic for some couples. It’s also often an uncomfortable one; and when this is the case, there’s often very little discussion around it. Yes, this is a problem. Sex is a big indicator of how your marriage is doing. You can dispute it all day long, but sex is a natural and biological inclination. If you no longer want to have sex with your partner you guys have some issues to sort through. Whatever they may be, go back to #2 and start working on getting your sex life (and fire) back.
4) Spend quality time together (date night!)
After you’re married- you got the person of your dreams. You don’t need to work for it anymore, right? WRONG. Very, very wrong. This is how your marriage begins declining. From the get-go, if you can, put away some time and dedicate it to date night. It doesn’t mean you have to go on lavish dinners and do organized activities (although once in a while this is good to do). You could be sitting on the couch with some wine and a movie. As long as you’re doing it together and enjoying THAT time- nothing else (yes, get a baby sitter- the hope is that this time leads to #3)
5) Counseling is not BS.
You may think that fee for a marriage counsellor is a load of bull crap- it’s not. If you guys get to a point where nothing is working, counselling is, yes, one of the later options. It’s better than losing that person though. It facilitates that thing about communication we were talking about. Sometimes so much has been done and said that you need a third party to be the mirror in front of your relationship. We get caught up in “my side” and “my view” and “my emotions”. We forget that fighting is a form of us trying to work through things. At the end of the day you want to save your marriage and if paying for counselling can help (because it may or may not)- do it.
6) Do you still want to be together?
All the fighting and issues aside, do you still want to be together? This is the end all and be all that will decide whether or not divorce is in the tea leaves or not. Marriage is a two way street, it just is. If one or both of you no longer want to work at it, it’s a slim change your marriage will make it out alive. With all these options and choices that our modern world is offering us, it’s tough to want to work through crap. At the end of the day, are they worth it?
Have you or anyone you know gone through a divorce? or was close to it? What’s your stance of it?
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