Not to hate on men or anything. Men are great, my dad’s a man. There are so many things to love about guys. But sometimes, just sometimes, they crack me up. Especially when they’re trying to make themselves look good to impress a girl.
“Though we adore men individually, we agree that as a group they’re rather stupid.” Thanks Mrs. Banks for one of the most insightful quotes in the history of all musicals.
1. Wearing way too much cologne
Remember those Axe and Tag commercials from way back when? Where the guy sprays some cologne and girls come flocking? Yeah, that doesn’t happen. Like, ever. Even if it did smell nice, too much is too much. How is anyone supposed to breathe in his proximity? 10 spritzes of cologne don’t impress women, they repel.
2. Talking about other girls all the time so they seem like they’re so desirable
That classic technique where they exaggerate the stories of other girls that have hit on them but they couldn’t bother to give the time of day.
“Yeah last week this chick tried to blah blah blah I mean she was cool, but like wore way too much make up, you know what I mean?” Is this supposed to make other girls swoon? Impress us how? Bragging about yourself is made worse only by disguising your boasts poorly.
3. Driving way too fast
He thinks he’s such a daredevil, speeding like that. He thinks he’s really cool and risky — he’s a bad boy. But you just kind of feel uneasy. And annoyed. You’re pretty sure he only drives so recklessly to impress you, because if he drove like that all the time, he’d either be in jail or dead.
4. Trying to talk about something they don’t know anything about
When guys are trying to impress, they just love to seem to know about everything. The most annoying part is when they try to debate with you about something they really have no understanding about. Instead of looking intelligent, they look arrogant.
5. Insisting on helping you do something trivial
“Let me walk you across the street, take my arm, no please it’s safer that way.”
I appreciate chivalry, I really do. But sometimes it’s really unfounded and unnecessary. I mean, I’m not some wobbly grandmother or a child and I don’t need assistance to cross the street. I hate when guys do this — treating you like some delicate creature who can’t function without their graciousness.
6. Bragging about how much alcohol he can drink
Does anybody really look for that in a potential love interest? Does anybody really care? Because whether some guy can down 4 shots or 10, that don’t impress me much. Being able to drink a lot is not necessarily bad, but it just doesn’t do anything.
7. Talking about that time he was “sooo drunk”
Is this in some universal guy flirting manual? It seems like everybody just loves to talk about that time they were “sooo drunk” and did a bunch of reckless things with their “buddies”. It makes him look even more foolish thinking he was cool. Still a boy and not a man plays in the background of your mind.
8. Talking about the gym
“Girl, look at that body. Girl, look at that body. Girl, look at that body — I work out!”
Going to the gym is absolutely a very admirable habit, it’s just that when guys use it as leverage to impress us, somehow it just becomes distasteful. The problem with bragging about this is that it come off as narcissistic and self-important.
9. Over the top complimenting
“I mean you’re eyes are really pretty, you’re so beautiful, blah blah blah.”
You know, it’s great to be told you’re beautiful, but sometimes you just don’t know how to react when someones says that. And then it gets awkward. And then he shoots another compliment. Now it’s starting to sound fake. These lines sound rehearsed. How many people does he say this too everyday? So, thanks, but no thanks.
10. When they talk about how different they are from other guys
“Some guys only go for looks, but I just want to find an intelligent girl. Those other guys are so immature.”
Putting down other people never really looks good on yourself, nor does that impress anyone.
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