Defined by society as the platonic abyss that guys (and even girls, alike) are tossed into, the friend zone has been the bane of many’s existence. It is the purgatory where guys and girls alike are faced with shopping trips, movie hang outs, occasional dinners, and endless conversations – but one end of the equation feels no feelings of sexual or romantic interest in the other.
It’s a terrible place to be in, especially since you’re most often faced with unrequited feelings. With other complications surrounding guy and girl relationships, the added weight of the friend zone can cause a lot more frustration and awkwardness.
More often than not, as a female our guy friends have told us to date from our friend zone pool. They try to remind us that rejecting our nice guy friends is doing us more hurt than good.
But here’s the thing, while guys and girls alike are friend zoned we have to stop blaming it for why friends can’t be more.
Despite what guys think, girls get friend zoned too.
It happens: you become friends with this guy who makes you laugh, and smile, and can talk to you about anything. But of course, while you start imagining what it would be like to hold his hand and go on dates he has other ideas: one’s that don’t involve that, with you anyway.
Usually guys are seen more often expressing their frustrations about the friend zone, but girls feel the upset just as much. But girls approach being friend zoned a little differently. While we don’t generally drop ultimatums, or tell our guy friends it’s because they don’t date nice girls, we still stay friends with them. But, just like most guys we can’t help but wonder why they, too, just won’t go for the nice girl.
But we need to accept being nice isn’t enough.
The number one problem with the friend zone is society keeps indicating that the nice ones are the ones in the friend zone.
It’s a lie.
Here’s the hard cold truth, being “nice enough” actually isn’t enough. While it’s an argument usually targeted towards guys, ladies we need to listen as well. A quote on the internet said to “do stuff with her, not for her.” And that’s the honest truth.
By blaming the friend zone and telling each other it’s our own faults for not dating the nice ones, we are supporting this belief that nice gestures is enough to win a girl or guy over. Guys and girls alike believe that if they bend to the other person’s whim, if they try to do things to show them they’re perfect, they will win a kiss at the end. It doesn’t work like that.
Unfortunately, you need more than “nice” as a brick to a relationship’s foundation. You have to provide more on the table. You have to be interesting, funny, and over all, have enough chemistry with the other person.
And most importantly, the other person just has to be attracted to you.
Because attraction wins over all.
Admit it ladies, more often than not we have probably come across a certain male individual who probably wasn’t the best news for you. And admit it, you couldn’t help but like him anyway. And sometimes you can’t help but like someone who is great for you but you can’t even explain why, he just is.
It’s how it works for guys as well.
Sometimes another girl just has something more they can offer them, and you can’t beat yourself up over that. No matter what good qualities you have, it may just not be clicking in that way for your friend. You can’t blame them for that decision, it’s just how their brain and heart works.
We have to stop trying to get “out of the friend zone” because there is no way out. It’s up to the other person. It’s as simple as that.
So we need to let the friend zone die.
Not every guy you meet will be sexually or romantically interested in you. (Similarly, don’t let your guy friend get you down if you don’t return his feelings.)
We have to stop blaming each other and being frustrated with each other. We have to stop with the ultimatums and the underlying bitterness. We need to stop ruining our friendships just because he didn’t pick us.
Some people are meant to just be friends and others are meant to be just more.
That’s just how life is and you have to learn to embrace that.
Do you agree or disagree? What are your thoughts on the friend zone?
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