Getting Him to Stop Starfish-ing in Sex


Starfish Sex

Starfish-ing is defined as:
“Female sexual partner who remains ‘unmoved’ during [sex], physically non-responsive” – Urban dictionary

However, it’s not women who can do that, it’s also men. Men can be lazy, and love being bottom sometimes because it’s pleasure without the work. Unfortunately, it can make sex quite boring. The same position all the time, nothing new. Yeah, it works out our butts and legs, but who really likes working out while watching someone have tons of fun? No one. Here are some subtle says to help your sex life and get rid of that starfish.

Watch 50 Shades of Grey together

We all know the steamy novel ‘50 Shades of Grey‘ with multiple ways to achieve plenty of orgasms with your partner. Boys love porn, why wouldn’t they love the movie? It shows them how to take control and make your woman scream. The movie may help him feel inspired or adventurous. It’s almost like amping him up for sex to be just as amazing. Mr. Grey does not starfish. He would be the perfect idol for your man.

Explore the Sex/ Stag shop

So he’s lazy, we get that. But who doesn’t love new toys? Spice up your sex life with something new and kinky. Either bring him with you, or if he’s too shy, buy it for him. Toys for him makes it hard to starfish. It involves some work- but very little. It’s still fun for him to watch you be pleasured. You don’t always have to go for very obscure toys. Try a candy bikini so he has to eat it off you. Talking about gear, there’s always the option of a sexy outfit. Make him role play with you. If you manipulate the situation and story properly, sex can become a two- way effort.

Try Sex In Different Locations

Sex in different locations besides the bed can make it hard for him to starfish. Try sitting on a counter or on a wall where he has to do the work. Make sure you’re pinned onto somewhere where you can’t cowboy. If he still won’t do it, reverse cowboy him in a chair. At least then, you can put his hands on your clitoris and let him help you achieve your orgasm.

Stop Faking It

Many of us girls are extremely guilty of faking it. I’m not just talking about orgasms, but also moaning. Silent sex can be very awkward, making you feel compelled to moan even if it’s in-genuine. However, this makes the guy think everything is okay and you’re enjoying sex. If you don’t have the guts to straight up say it, stop faking it so he can catch on. He’ll start to notice that something is off about sex.

Straight Up Tell Him The Sex Sucks

If he doesn’t understand the hints, you might just have to be straight up with him and say “You need to step up your game in sex because this starfish isn’t good enough”. Yes, it may take a hit at his pride, but he may feel the need to improve. No man likes his self- esteem or manliness questioned. The last thing he wants is his girlfriend to say “My man doesn’t know how to pleasure me and I dread having sex with him. I think anyone can do better”. You basically have to tell him to get his shit together.

If All Else Fails…

Just say “no” to sex until he stops the starfish.

Drastic times call for drastic measures.

Do you starfish or are you the starfish-er?



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