Horrendous Ways to Ditch Your Blind Date

blind date, goodbye, ditch your blind date

Blind dates are the new thing now aren’t they? Things like Tinder, OkCupid, and WeChat all lead to casual encounters with strangers you’ve never seen in real life before in hopes for a good time. If you’re lucky, you’ll experience a surprising and pleasant evening. If you’re unlucky, you’ll be checking for exit signs in hopes of a great getaway. It’s important to note that dates aren’t perfect so wipe that expectation out but if they are completely insane, supremely disrespectful or making you sick, don’t be a masochistic and end the date early. Check out some ways to ditch your date, some are more rude than others.

1. Emergency family intervention

Plan a scheduled call ahead of time so your phone will go off 20 minutes into the date. If you’re enjoying your time, let your “sister” know that it’s fine. If you’ve already ripped him to shreds in your mind because he can’t stop texting, pretend to be extremely shocked, make a scene and GET OUT OF THERE FAST. No one wants to eat with Mr. I’m-so-cool-I-can’t-live-without-my-phone prickface.

2. Washroom break?

blind date

After watching the social experiment posted by Huffington Post, it was obvious that males were a lot more pickier with looks than women. Even online, women were much less likely to ditch their date if they didn’t exactly match their profile. If you are not one of these dear women and find your blind date as about attractive as a block of wood, then excuse yourself to use the ladies room and fly through the door never to be seen again.

3. You’re not who you are

If you arrive and find your date has lied about everything on their profile, you should feel no guilt when you lie back as a way out. Introduce yourself as someone different (Hi, I’m Apple!) and feign shock and embarrassment when you suddenly realize you the wrong person. If this is too cruel, tell them that you wish you weren’t married while you prance away.

4. Total meltdown

Blind Date

If you were an ace in drama class then this should be a piece of cake. No one wants to date an emotional wreck. Give it a few moments before you wallow into tears and choke on a sob story about how your beloved cat coughed up her first hairball and now it’s encased in a glass box. This will end the date so fast, you’ll be laughing all the way home at their reaction.

5. Have a friend nearby

Blind Date

So when you send the SOS message, they’ll come to your rescue and push you through the front door as you shout half-assed refutes.

6. Turn them wayyyy off

blind date, funny gif

My guy friend took this approach and succeeded almost immediately. He started talking about getting massages from a hot girl all the while throwing tissues at her. I’m not sure what was running through his mind but it got the job done. Unfortunately she broke down in tears which gave him immense guilt but at least she never contacted him again.

7. Tell it to them straight

By now, you realize the above would almost guarantee a slap in the face or a very angry text message laced with profanity. The entire date will take only an hour of your night if you grab a quick drink so show the other person some respect and stay. If they put in the effort to get groomed and meet you, give them 60 minutes of your time before you call it quits.

Have you ever ditched your blind date?

 

 

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