How do you know if your boyfriend is a potential serial killer?
We know, we know, this is an absurd commentary, question, and statement – but we felt it was an important thing to talk about. We’re not saying your lovely pooky bear is going to pull out a knife during your REM sleep but let’s just say we’re entertaining our imagination here… or perhaps, staying cautious. You can never be too cautious.
So here’s our little quiz to help you with your case study: Is my boyfriend a potential serial killer. Or then again, you could just close this window and go to sleep with the lingering feeling of whether you’ll end up in the morgue the next day. Just jks?
1. Has he ever tortured animals?
There is no bending rules here, girl. Pouring beer into a fish tank or putting a mouse in the microwave definitely constitute as animal torture. And yes, even if he was 12 and with his loser friends.
2. Is CSI (or the alike) on his Netflix replay list?
We’re not saying that recreationally enjoying these TV shows means you’re going to become Hannibal. All we’re saying is that if your beau is becoming obsessed with being just like his idol, Dexter, you’ve got some escape planning to do.
3. Does he like oddly rough sex?
We here are all for sexual exploration, experimentation, and all that fun stuff – but where do you draw the line? That time he slapped just a little too hard or said that questionable one liner while setting the mood? Don’t ruin your fun or anything, but just keep in mind that a significant percent of serial killers were into some really violent sh*t.
4. Is he addicted to violent porn?
There is absolutely nothing wrong with porn – in fact, some would argue porn and masturbation are parts of being a healthy human. BUT anything in excess is just no good, especially if you’re scrolling through his browsing history and all it is is really rough stuff. Did you know violent porn was the start of Ted Bundy’s rampage? Mhmmm.
5. Does he think committing crimes are cool or thrilling?
All those Harold and Kumar movies might be seriously getting to your partner in crime (pun intended). He might be starting to get the itch. Watch for signs – like if he curiously purchases too many ski masks or starts trying to convince you that not all crime is bad. He’s not going to become a vigilante – and it’s not like movies.
6. Is he unnervingly charming?
Bring it back to the days when you guys first started dating. Was he just a little too chivalrous? You know, all the serial rapists and killers were known for being ladies’ men… that’s how they get you. They’re building up that trust so that one day BAM, you dead… and you never saw it coming.
7. Does he live on pig farm?
Chances are, you BF doesn’t own or is not connected to a pig farm – but if he does, well then, you’ve got some questioning to do. Did you know Robert Pickton was a multi-million dollar pig farmer? After raping and slaughtering these women who he picked up, he fed them to his pigs (smart because the pigs decomposed most of the DNA and traces of the bodies). Yeah, these aren’t no cute little micro piggies.
8. Does he dissect his food a little too meticulously?
A fixation with dissection can be a big flag. Being interested in anatomy is one thing – tell him to go to school and study biology. If he’s spending a little too much time picking apart that lobster with crazy eyes, girl, you’ve got some pondering to do. No food is THAT interesting.
Does the thought of your boyfriend being a serial killer creep you out?
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