Everyone’s heard that the nice guy doesn’t always win at first but eventually gets the girl to live happily ever awesomely. This is because no grown woman wants to be stuck with a complete jerk after she’s past her puppy love stage. But what about the nice girls that get left behind? No one hears about the unanswered voicemails and out of service phone numbers. This post was inspired by “50 Universal Truths about Men” and even though I don’t completely agree with everything written, some of the “truths” do hold true. Genuinely nice women should watch out for the jerks that take advantage of them while the other type of nice girls who fall under the category of “people-pleasers” (this post is a great explanation of the difference) should read on. Here are some common reasons why these women don’t always win:
Nice is just a filler word you use when asked to describe someone who didn’t stand out to you. Anyone can be nice so what makes you different? What makes you memorable? If nice is the only adjective someone can use to describe you then think about the other qualities you possess. You don’t make friends simply because they’re nice. You’re attracted to them because they’re brainy, eclectic or plain weird. If you’re a compassionate, caring creature who loves to laugh with her head thrown back, be known as that girl instead.
Fixer: Speak your mind, no one hears what goes on in your head. Next time you’re planning a date, think of an excursion you want to do instead of replying “I don’t know” when he asks. Stand up for yourself and don’t be scared to try something new. If he thinks your hobbies are dumb and doesn’t try to take interest, he might not be meant for you.
2. Predictable and expected
“I need to be told “no” sometimes. Not a lot, but every now and again reminds me that you are expensive.”
This goes hand in hand with uninteresting. If you’re the nice girl who stays at home because your boyfriend doesn’t want you out late, you’ll always be at the back of his mind. First, determine if you’re in a controlling relationship (not good!). Second, if you’re not but think being a good girlfriend means sacrificing nights out so he has a peace of mind then you’re not being genuine. If you’re frying his omelette every morning, and responding to his texts at flash speed, you’re being predictable. Keep in mind, he won’t break up with you if you stop doing these things. Predictable is very different from reliable. Predictable means he expects you to always maintain a pattern without feeling gratitude. Reliable means he trusts you’ll be there for him when he needs you but it’s not an obligation. This leads to appreciation for your thoughtfulness. Don’t let them fall into the habit of expecting you to put in all the effort.
Fixer: Go out and enjoy yourself from time to time in a spontaneous matter. Tell him what you want and don’t hang around the phone waiting for his call. Playing it safe may feel like security for you, but truthfully men need to be kept on their toes from time to time. When you need some inspiration, think of Bey: “Yoncé fillin’ out this skirt, I look damn good I ain’t lost it”.
3. Looked down upon
“If you can’t stand up to me when I’m a brat, you’re too weak for me to open up to when I’m upset.”
Everyone can have their bad days from time to time. Being a nice girl doesn’t mean slinking to the corner while he sulks or takes it out on you. Be ok with having a serious conversation with him if you’re unhappy with his actions. Letting him win every argument or allowing him to get away with treating you terribly does not earn his respect. This is not good girl behaviour, this is doormat behaviour. Guys need a partner who is their equal. You wouldn’t want to be with someone who couldn’t even speak up for themselves, so why would they? And for heaven sakes, take a compliment once in a while. Stop being so modest all the time.
Fixer: Make your decisions with confidence and stick to your opinion if you truly believe in it. Don’t be so modest all the time, if you know you got it, then hell yes you deserve the recognition.
4. Personal Space
“I don’t need you to do things for me. What I crave is being able to please you.”
According to WebMD, 48% of men cheat due to emotional dissatisfaction. They don’t feel recognition for the effort they put it. Although you believe you’re being a great girlfriend by always asking how they’re doing, tidying up after them or fixing their hair, you’re being more like a sister or even a nagging mother as opposed to their partner. Give them their space and you’d be surprised how much they’ll miss you after a while. Also give them the chance to be good to you from time to time because it always feels great to make your loved ones happy. Every woman and every man needs to feel appreciated in a caring relationship.
Fixer: Put your needs first too and you won’t be so keen to cling to your man. It’s your mind and gratitude, not the finished chores that he will respect and love.
I’m not advocating that women be mean and careless but in order to not be stepped on, some street smarts will take you far. Don’t be a people-pleaser, and don’t make everyone more important than you! Instead be courteous and respectful and people will naturally recognize your good nature. If your partner abuses your natural nice girl behaviour, it’s time to give him the boot.
Do you know any nice girls that always get the short end of the stick?
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