You’re in love, you think you’ve found the love of your life, the “one”, your soul mate, your forever, your happily ever after. He sweeps you off your feet, he flies you to Paris, he plans a romantic date, a walk under the Eiffel Tower with fireworks going off in the background. He gets down on one knee, says all the sweet things you expect him to say and you say YES! Sounds easy enough right? WRONG.
Marriages are hard, they take lots of work and even before you get married, heck even before you get engaged, there are some serious questions you need to ask and consider before tying the knot.
Engagements are never really truly surprises. There’s a problem if it is. You should have been able to talk to your SO beforehand and figure stuff out. There are some fundamental questions that you need to ask before plunging into bridal magazines and cake tastings.
Have you been on vacation together?
Going on vacation with the SO is an important milestone. When you travel together, you are able to see your SO in a completely different atmosphere. This gives you the opportunity to connect with them on another level and see them in a different light. So much can be learnt from spending 24 hours a day with someone. This one could make or break the relationship.
Are we financially stable?
If you’re thinking of getting married, things should always be considered as a “we”. Are you both financially stable enough to afford a wedding, honeymoon and house together? Did you know an average wedding costs about $30,000? Ouch. It’s going to be hard to start a life with someone if you’re in debt.
Do we share the same values?
What are both your opinions on religion, number of children, and other priorities? Do your priorities match up or are they completely out of sync? Are you willing to convert? Does he even want children? These are questions that need to be discussed early on.
Do our families get along?
This one’s important. When you get married, you don’t just marry the other person; you marry their entire family. Do you see yourself fitting into that family dynamic? Are there crazy siblings you’re not too fond of? How’s the future mother-in-law? You should love their family and they should love you.
Do your best friends like him?
Red flag if they don’t. Also, don’t just assume they do. Legitimately ask them and make sure you get an honest answer out of them. Make them swear to you that they’re telling you the truth and not just putting on a fake smile. You should also be open to them telling you your boyfriend sucks. They may see something your love-blinded eyes don’t.
Do you both have your own passions?
Is there something that you both can do on your own? Are you both passionate about something other than each other? You need to be able to focus your energy on something else when the other isn’t around because if only one of you has something you’re passionate about, the other will feel left out. This will result in them saying “you never have time for me” and the like.
Do you have something you can do together?
Sleeping together doesn’t count. Is there something that you both enjoy doing together that you can’t really do with anyone else? Find a mutual hobby you can both enjoy together. This could be hiking, cooking, photography, etc. Just make sure you have something other than romping in bed around to do.
Are you getting married for the right reasons?
Are you tying the knot because of pressures from family members? Are all your friends getting married so you feel like you need to get married too? Are you settling? You should marry someone because you want to, not because you need to, and definitely not because it’s convenient.
With rates of divorce at an all time high (with 40-50% of marriages ending in divorce) it is no wonder a lot of people have decided to forgo marriages all together and instead opt to live in common law. Living in common law is quite the norm and has increased within recent years. While it may be the norm many still decide to proclaim their love through marriage. There are other perks that come with marriage that common law relationships legally aren’t entitled to. Make sure you research the difference between common law and legal marriages in your country. These are just some questions to consider before tying the knot.
What are some other questions to consider before deciding on tying the knot?
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