Why It’s Your Own Fault When He Doesn’t Want To Date You

In the generation of the hook-up culture, the scenario is usually the same: you meet, you talk, you flirt, you exchange numbers, and you repeat the cycle until you both fall into bed. It’s a simple formula passed down from one-night-stand to one-night-stand, between FWB’s and No-Strings-Attached.

It’s a cycle you participate in wholeheartedly because yes, you find him cute, and yes you kind of like him, so why not? But amidst the constant repeat routine, you suddenly find yourself falling – and falling hard. And now, between the kisses and sheets and casual conversations, you can’t help but wonder when he’ll finally pop the question (no, not that one).

But he never asks. He never asks if you “want to go out with me.” He never brings you flowers. And he most certainly does not try to introduce you to his parents (which is both a blessing, and kind of sad).

Simply put, he doesn’t want to date you. And you want to know why?

Sure, it could be because it’s just a hook-up relationship. It could also be because maybe on an intellectual level you guys don’t match.

But the ultimate as to why he won’t date you? It’s because it’s your fault. 

Young man text messaging with young woman sleeping

You’re letting him devalue your worth

The number one reason as to why he won’t date you, isn’t because of your lack of personality. Your friends may be telling you you deserve better, you’re an amazing and talented and kind person, a total package – and they’re right.

But, that doesn’t mean you’re date material in the eyes of the guys.

Here’s the sad part: if he’s attracted to you, right off the bat, on a sexual level, that’s all he may ever be attracted to. It doesn’t matter what other qualities you have. If he sees you as “hot meat” and you let him only see that, there is nothing else he will see or want from you.

If you’re letting him walk all over you, categorizing you as nothing but a name in his contact list for those late night booty calls and nudes, it’s your own fault. He’s not dating you because you’ve, unfortunately, found yourself in the “f*ck zone” and didn’t argue it.

Maybe you went along with it because, yeah you’re attracted to him too, but now he sees you as an easy-lay and a girl wrapped around his finger. Why bother putting in effort to date you if he’s already got you wrapped around his finger?

DF - Dating

You’re staying silent so you won’t lose him

If you’re not going to complain about how he’s treating, why should he even take notice? Staying silent and going along with it to compromise and appease him will not do anything. Waiting around for him to change without pointing out any of his mistakes or flaws will not do anything.

If you don’t tell him how you feel and what you want, how will he know how you feel and what you want?

The problem with these “whateverships” that bloom in the generation of the hook-up culture is that guys will continue to mistreat you because you’re not speaking your mind.

Why are you so afraid to tell him, straight up, that you’re not OK with this? You don’t want to lose him. And that’s common, it’s completely normal, but it’s not healthy. Because if you don’t even try to explain to him that you’re not just another girl, you’re not gonna lose him, but you’ll definitely lose yourself.

What do you think the worst thing is that girls let guys do, when it comes to dating?

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