Worst Case Scenarios, The Sex Edition

Worst Case Scenarios, The Sex Edition

As women, many of us tend to overthink. Overthinking leads to worst case scenarios, which make us cringe but mentally prepare us for them. Worst case scenarios happen but there is no worse time for them to occur than during sex. Here are an assortment (ranged from bad to worst) of scenarios that you never want to be in. Prepare yourself, these could happen to you.

Non-Performance

Worst Case Scenarios, The Sex Edition

You figured from all the sexual tension leading up to this moment that the sex would be amazing. You guys are both so turned on it’s unbelievable. As soon as he puts it in you feel some rhythmic jerks and it begins to feel awkward. You move left he moves right. It’s just awkward as hell. It’s like the Energizer Bunny and a Jackhammer going two different directions. It is not satisfying for either of you because it feels so weird.

Passing Out

Worst Case Scenarios, The Sex Edition

After a night of true debauchery, you go home with a guy. It’s sloppy and messy yet hot. You move through a series of positions. Finally you get on top after basically drunkenly laying there. You begin to ride this man. After a couple minutes you are fatigued. Mid-thrust you look down. He is sleeping. He has passed out due to consuming too much alcohol. Worse case, you fall asleep on top of the D.

Stained Sheets

Worst Case Scenarios, The Sex Edition

It’s 4AM, you couldn’t sleep or this is what you dragged home from the bar. All your room mates are asleep. You are having mind-blowing intercourse. He is about to finish. He did not wear a condom, but you’re on the pill….not smart but you did it anyway. Instead of ejaculating on an easily cleanable surface, he decides the only logical thing to do is do it all over your silk bed sheets. You can’t wash anything right now. So you’re forced to put a towel on top, or clean it up Big Daddy style with newspaper. Now you have to sleep in his filth.

Being Walked In On

Worst Case Scenarios, The Sex Edition

You’re having sex it’s hot and heavy. You’re trying to keep it quiet because there are people home. It’s so good, you are silently screaming in ecstasy. You look over your man’s shoulder. OMG his room mate is standing in the doorway. Worse, he’s naked and oh, he’s been watching. Ultimately terrifying, your father has walked in on you.

Answering Calls/Texts

Worst Case Scenarios, The Sex Edition

The room is dark. Your face is buried into the pillow while he’s behind you. You’re screaming into the pillow and writhing with pleasure. You turn your head slightly to get some air. You see a slight light. What could this be? Your man, answering a text message. Or checking the score. WTF? Worse he says, “Hey Mom, what’s up?”

Sensitive Stomach

Worst Case Scenarios, The Sex Edition

You are getting it in doggy style. Things are getting wild. You are both enjoying it. Suddenly you feel a gurgling sensation. You ignore it. But you can’t. It comes back. You get anxiety because you need to find out where the bathroom is, if this can be ignored once more, or what will happen in general. You just want this to stop, you need quiet. You need to find out what to do. You probably should not have eaten that triple bean burrito for dinner.

Getting Your Period

Worst Case Scenarios, The Sex Edition

All week you have been feeling cramps. But it’s weird because your period is not due for another week. You and the guy you’ve been seeing start to get hot and heavy over his crisp, white, 500 thread count Egyptian cotton bed sheets. It feels like heaven. When you’re done you lay beaten and exhausted. He turns the light on only to discover a murder scene has unfolded. Your period came early. Guess you gotta handle that.

Tell us:

What is the worst case scenario you have been in involving sex?

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