There’s nothing worse than killing the mood when you’re hornier than a teenaged school boy. Here are 10 of things you must never do or say before, during, and after sex.
There’s nothing worse than having a bush on your vagina and then having a sexual encounter. It’s one thing to have a bit of hair and another to have a fur coat on your lady parts. Yah, sure you weren’t prepared, but you probably should have been. Unless he’s Tarzan he’s really not trying to go down on you tonight, honey.
Sometimes we’re just lazy. Nothing feels better than receiving and not giving back. No work and you get the satisfaction. But guess what? Your man is probably unimpressed. You can’t expect him to go down on you for thirty minutes and not return the favour for at least 30 seconds. It’s just cruel.
This is your first time having sex with the guy. Maybe he’s an interest, maybe he’s a one night stand. Either way you don’t know his sexual history. Because you fear herpes you ask “When’s the last time you got checked?” while he’s kissing your on neck. Congrats, you just killed his erection. One must find out prior to in a discrete way instead of asking during a heated moment. This leads to conversations you don’t want to have.
You are engaged in foreplay and you cannot take it anymore. His penis is slightly under average but it’s the way you use it that counts, right? You tell him you want it now. You feel some jerking happening followed by some moaning. You are not sure if it is yet. So you ask. It was. And now his boner has turned into a soggy vienna sausage.
This is the best sex you’ve had in a while. You’re getting wild. Then you do a move you haven’t done in a long time. He absolutely loves it. He tells you. You say you learned it from your ex. This is not okay. You know if it was the other way around you would have bitched and then performed the silent treatment.
Starfishing can happen WITHIN LIMITS. Yes you can do it 1-2 times for every 3-5 you put in work. If this is a one night stand, fine, but your reputation is on the line. Starfishing is relaxing, but it is also truly unenjoyable for the guy.
The sex was alright. You orgasmed, but he doesn’t seem to be done yet. At this point you’re bored. This was for your enjoyment wasn’t it? You don’t want to miss the Real Housewives of Atlanta. So you ask him if he’s done yet. He really wasn’t, but now he’s turned off and he will probably never return.
The absolute worst thing you can do after sex. You’re on the Pill. Or maybe you even used a condom. But for some unknown reason you decide to say, “OMG, did you bust in me? I think I may be pregnant.” There is nothing more fearful to a guy than hearing that you think you may be preggos. Especially, after one round of sex. Just don’t do it.
You got hot and heavy after the gym. After sex you are exhausted. You fall asleep. You wake up with the urge to pee. The urge does not subside. Congratulations, you have a UTI. Why? Because you didn’t pee after sex. Never do this to yourself, it sucks. Once you get one it makes it easier to get another. UTIs happen when bacteria gets trapped in the vagina during sex. You think you like it dirty, but you don’t.
If this is a one night stand, don’t ask him what he is doing later. Even if it’s plain curiosity. He doesn’t want to chill.
What is the most cringeworthy thing you’ve done?
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