What To Do: friend hates your boyfriend
This is the worst. It is also a very finicky one. It’s a triangle situation that is no fun, whatsoever. It’s the “my best friend doesn’t approve of my boyfriend” situation. All parties involved are important to you and you don’t want to jeopardize either relationship. So what do you do? Let us tell you, it takes some very diplomatic measures.
Realizing Your Friend Hates Your Boyfriend:
Best friends are your rock, but they don’t always agree with you decisions. It really is not a preferable situation but it is one that must be addressed and dealt with (to some extent). The important thing is to try not to get too defensive and to understand the position that your friend is coming from. Is she jealous (This isn’t a bad thing, it’s a natural facet of human nature. Try not to condemn them for it.)? Does she think that he’s a bad influence (Friends care about you- and sometimes, like parents, they are just looking out for your best interests)?
What are signs that your friend hates your boyfriend?
- They say it outright: “This guy is just bad news for you hun”
- She never wants him to come out to social events or never extends her invites to him: “Uhm, I guess he can come- but like, I kind of want it to be just you.”
- She seems to be jealous of the time you spend with him (new relationships tend to take up friend time): “We never hang out anymore, you’re always with HIM.”
- They get peeved when you talk to him on the phone: “Like, this is supposed to ‘us’ time, why is he calling you?”
- They try and convince you that you’re better off without him (especially when you’re going through a rough time, which all relationships do): “Girl, you’re so much better without him. Think about how much less stress you’ll have if you just break up with him”
- They hint and introduce you to other guys they think you should date: “You know Mark, he’s so much better than your boyfriend. He’s actually at the bar we’re going to tonight, you should meet him!”
How to Address Your Friend Who Doesn’t Approve:
Addressing this problematic friend is a tough feat. You need to figure out where she’s coming from. Is her dislike coming from a personal issue of her own or is it out of care for you? You should consider what she’s saying but at the end of the day, it’s your relationship and your decision.
Try these methods when you’re chatting with her:
- (START WITH QUESTIONS) What is it that you really don’t like about him? What don’t you like about our relationship?
- (ASSURE THEM THAT YOU LOVE THEM TOO) You’re my best friend and I know you want me to be happy. He makes me happy.
- I would never want anything to come in between our friendship- but I need to make my choices and mistakes (if they turn out to be mistakes). That’s what life is about and that’s how I’m going to learn from them.
- (TELL THEM ABOUT HIS GOOD SIDE) You know, sometimes he may seems pompous to you, but when it’s just the two of us, he’s the perfect gentleman. You have to understand he’s human too. Maybe we just need to set a time for you to get to know him better.
- (TRY AND FIND A SOLUTION/COMPROMISE) If you want we can organize a time every week so that you and I can just hang out or chat. He’s important to me so it would mean the world to me if you could try and like him (or at least be happily civil)
Discussing the Issue with Your Boyfriend:
Sometimes the friends not liking the boyfriend can really cause some stress on your relationship. Some guys could get really defensive and take it out on you. He could even flip and say that he doesn’t like your friend either, in which case you would have to damage control on both sides.
The best to go about it is to be observant. As soon as you boyfriend begins to get the feeling that your friend doesn’t like him, address it. Tell him that you’ll deal with it and that he has to understand that people are human and sometimes don’t get along. As long as you reassure that it won’t interfere with your relationship or with how you feel about him, it should go over swell.
In any relationship and with any hiccup, the key is communication. So as long as you communicate well, it should be smooth sailing.
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